


Tell Me Why

by dreaming_up_aces



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6709876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaming_up_aces/pseuds/dreaming_up_aces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex-repulsed, touch-adverse Eric Bittle explains to a concerned Jack Zimmermann why he can't have sex with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me Why

Eric looked deep into Jack's eyes, feeling a stirring inside of him that usually just came from Jack. His boyfriend's clear blue eyes stared back at him, full of both lust and love. Slowly, Eric leaned forward, kissing Jack gently. Jack kissed back as though his life depended on it.

Their kissing quickly turned desperate, and somehow, they had reached a bed and had removed their clothing, seemingly without moving apart. Everything was blurry in Eric's mind, the feeling of Jack's lips against his own blocking out the rest of the universe. It felt amazing, Jack's warm, toned body pressing against his own. Chest to chest, Eric could feel their hearts beat in sync.

Jack broke the kiss, looking down at his boyfriend's chocolate brown eyes. Eric blinked, realizing that they were both nearly naked, pressed to each other as if their futures depended on it. A blush rose to Eric's face, turning him the color of a ripe strawberry.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Jack asked quietly. It seemed that every time the two tried to be intimate past chaste kisses and the occasional make-out sessions, Eric seemed to become sick and shaky, much like the panic attacks Jack was used to feeling in his own skin and bones. Eric thought for a moment, his eyes closed in thought. "Bits?"

"I'm sure," Eric replied after a moment, a soft smile on his face. Jack grinned widely, then kissed his boyfriend passionately. Without even a second thought, they made it to the bed, skin against skin as though they weren't two people, but one.

Jack stopped the moment Eric cried out in pain and fear. It reminded him of their checking practice, long before he had realized that he was in love with Bitty. As soon as Jack stopped, Eric's body began to tremble. Jack pulled himself off of the bed, handing Bitty his boxers and a shirt quietly. He dressed himself and climbed back into the bed, holding the thin frame of his boyfriend in his arms.

"I-I'm sorry," Bitty choked out, his voice caught in his throat. Jack held him tighter, kissing the top of Eric's head. Eric's body shook in fear, and he swallowed as though he might vomit. "I want to, I-I just...can't."

"Bitty, it's okay," Jack answered softly, rubbing his large warm hands over his boyfriend's shaking back. A few tears tracked down Eric's face, dripping onto his old Samwell t-shirt.

"No, it's not. I want to do this f-for you, but I can't, and it isn't fair to you, it's not fair..." Jack shushed Bitty with a gentle, reassuring kiss.

"It's okay, Bitty. I promise," Jack said. And to him, it was.

"No, I-I'm, it hurts you," Eric said between sobs and gasps for air. His short, muscular frame felt wracked with guilt.

"Bits, it's okay, it doesn't hurt me," Jack said, putting a gentle hand in his boyfriend's soft blond hair. In a way, Jack was lying. It did hurt him, but not the lack of sex. Just being with Bitty was enough, sex was just completing the perfect picture. Jack hated to see his boyfriend in this state though, with no real way to comfort him other than to hold him until the fear passed. Bitty cried quietly in Jack's arms, and Jack rocked him, shushing the way he would a child. "Shhhhh, it's okay. I'm right here, it's okay."

"If it weren't for that stupid camp..." Bitty mumbled. Jack stopped rocking him, loosening his hold on Eric's body.

"What camp?" Jack asked, trying to mask the concern in his voice. It came out more like anger than anything else. Eric quieted down, realizing his mistake. He had been fourteen, it had been so long ago that he should have forgotten by now. But it felt only like moments ago, instead of years. Jack carefully tilted Eric's head up, looking into his eyes with concern and a hint of fear. "Bittle, what camp?"

"I was fourteen," Eric started quietly. "Coach and Katya thought it would be a good idea for me to improve my skating, not just with regular skates, but with hockey skates. I went to hockey camp." Eric paused, swallowing. "I knew I was gay. It was almost like Samwell. I found a little family. Everything was great. There was even a hot counsellor.." Bitty let the sentence drift, smiling sadly. "He liked me. He was my first kiss. He was seventeen, I was stupid. We were sort of dating, until..."

After a few moments of silence, Jack pressed, scanning Eric's face for a clue. It was almost unreadable in the dim light that was drifting in through the window. "Until?"

"Until one night, he wanted to go further than kissing. He wanted to have sex. I was only fourteen, I said no." Eric began to shake again, and with fear in his eyes, he looked up at Jack. "I said no, over and over again. No, no, no, no, no. But he didn't stop. He didn't stop until it was all over and..." Eric buried his head into Jack's shoulder, the spot where he fit perfectly. Jack sat for a moment, his boyfriend clinging to him, completely speechless.  _The fear of checking. The nervousness around all the touching in the Haus. It all made sense now._

"I'm here now, Bitty. It's over now," Jack said softly, wrapping his arms tightly around Eric. Bitty sniffled, talking into Jack's chest with a monotone, robotic voice.

"They congratulated me." Eric sniffled again, and Jack could feel small wet spots on his shirt from Bitty's tears. "They slapped me on the back and told me 'Good job'. They were all so proud of me for losing my virginity to the hottest counselor at the camp. They didn't even know." With a noise that sounded somewhat like a sob and somewhat like choking, Eric continued. "It hurt. It hurt so bad, Jack." In his memories and pain, Eric had lost the nicknames he loved to call Jack. _Baby. Honey. Handsome. Sweetheart._

Jack held Eric closer, kissing his forehead softly. Both of them were crying, and after a while, they just held each other, not saying a word. Jack couldn't believe that Bitty had suffered this much pain and still was the happy man he knew and loved, who cared for him through his anxiety and cheered at every game. Jack rested his head on Bitty's, breathing in the scent of his boyfriend and falling in love with him even more.

After what felt like an eternity, Eric's breathing evened out, and Jack could tell he was at least mostly asleep. Gently, Jack laid him down on the bed, tucking blankets around him. Bitty's eyelids fluttered, and for a moment, they opened, finding Jack's clear blue eyes.

"You're the only one who knows," Bitty whispered, and Jack smiled softly, his expression a mixture of sadness and love. Bitty's eyes closed again, and Jack brushed his lips softly across his boyfriend's forehead.

"Dors bien, mon amour," Jack whispered. In his sleep, Eric smiled, and Jack knew somewhere deep inside that everything would be all right.


End file.
